It is Wednesday Brutus, my dog…..just you and me…
You are home from the hospital having been there because your giant prostate flared up and bled and hurt….July 4th evening…I had to carry you into the building. So here you are…full of medication and feeling better. The vet told me that this would happen again and again.
I made the decision and called the mobile vet. Soon, the burden of your illness will be lifted from you. They are booked until Monday so I have to go through the next 5 days ticking them down. You don’t know this…but I do. Your life will end on Monday morning… at home...no fear… no scary vet smell…… I promise.
It is so very hard to let you go, especially when you ate all your dinner with enthusiasm tonight and you wagged your tail and perked up your ears. I waver…yet know in my heart that all can change very quickly and the only progress to be made is toward more illness.
And now it is Thursday…You slept beside me early this morning and rolled on your back to have a tummy rub. You were even excited about your breakfast and ate over half of it. I took you on your walks and you still pointed at rabbits and sometimes at suspicious fallen palm fronds. This evening you ate all your dinner, rolled around for me to play a little and curled up with me on the couch.
I am remembering the beautiful black and white puppy … carsick during the long ride to his new home.
Friday now ending... Long day… Lots of walks. You ate all your meals. I put your meds in cookie dough …you REALLY like that. .
I have missed your tail. Since you have had the prostate issue your tail is always down now. Pointers should NEVER have down tails.
Gramma was here. She is so sad. She loves you. She was always glad to come and let you out at noon and give you a biscuit…You have made her life brighter Brutus.
How will I tell the neighbors who sneak you biscuits and greet you every morning? They are in Germany now.
You are a most lovable dog.
Saturday…..You had eggs, cottage cheese, and canned dog food for breakfast. You cleaned the bowl. I watched you eat…standing there in your diaper pants (because you leak).
I have thought of someone who will not miss you…yes…Zoey. You have been her nemesis from the beginning. She wanted to be the boss of you and all you ever did was ignore her. She HATES that. She is very old now…older than you. I think it will not be long before she follows your path…no escape for either of you.
The pet store took back the special crate I had just got you and said they would take your diaper pants to give to rescue dogs. I donated your new bag of Weight Management dog food to the Domestic Animal Shelter. I will call the vet and see if there is someone who can use your leftover meds. I went to the grocery store and bought you yummy things.
Sunday…last full day….my heart is breaking. Long, long day….
Monday…there was a bad storm. I guess it was too much to ask that you be spared thunder on your last night…..We took a long walk this morning….and then I told you, like I always do, “Let’s go home”…and you turned, like you always do, right into the cul de sac and walked up to the pink front door…home.
You slept next to me for a long time on the couch…dreaming dog dreams and running in your sleep. And when you woke up I gave you a big chunk of cookie dough.
They came at 10:30 am. And … it was full circle….the vet who took care of you in the emergency hospital was the one who walked through my door. He said he was glad he could do this for Brutus.
He put his hand on your head and said a silent prayer. My fingers still tasted like cookie dough. You were in my lap on the couch licking them as the drugs took effect. You licked and licked so gently until you just stopped.
Your ashes will be tucked in beside Mandy in the back yard under the caladiums.
You have brought me such comfort during the bad times in my life, and every day you added joy….. it is hard to bear your loss. I parted from you with the knowledge that you have had a happy life with me… except when it thundered.
But it was right to say good-by now, before you became too sick and before this last of moments was spent with the vet and the clinic smell and the fear. I loved you enough to send you “gently into that good night”.
It is said that all dogs go to heaven. If that is true then you will go where all squirrels and rabbits run fast but not so fast that you can’t catch them….and it will be snack time whenever you desire and it will never…. EVER… thunder.
No matter where I am, Brutus, I will feel the breeze of your spirit wagging that pointer tail.
As you cross the bridge between this world and the next, just follow your nose and look up…Mandy is there…up on the hill.
Mandy, who preceded you in this journey…the Alpha of our family pack. She knows where the birds are…you are still her bud and she has waited for you. When you see her I want you to stop….hold a perfect point… fill your heart…. raise your tail like a flag……. and run…
|BRUTUS.... Best Beloved|